


I don't.

by Obliviouschyld



Series: Songspiration [1]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Heartbreak, Unrequited Love, always just the best friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-29 05:02:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8476360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obliviouschyld/pseuds/Obliviouschyld
Summary: This story is inspired by the song To Move On by Kithara





	1. To Move On

**Author's Note:**

> Let me park this here while I gather my thoughts

**To Move On** by **Kithara**

 

I tried so hard to forget you but I won't move on

I changed my ways, lived without you but it won't go on

I find my heart still holding on 

and it won't let my feelings to find its home.

 

The more I try to ignore you my heart points to you

and when I try to run from you my mind thinks of you

I find myself crying at night and my tears won't stop falling

coz my heart just stop beating until I say your name

 

But I will tell my mind, convince it

I don't need you, I don't 

and I will tell my heart, convince it

I don't love you, I don't

And I will tell myself that I can live without you, oh no

Though I'll be lying, at least I'm trying to move on

 

I tried to spend all my time to find someone new

Someone who could take this love that once was for you

But I don't wanna fool someone just to make me feel alright

I need to get you off my mind so I will find a way

 

But I will tell my mind, convince it

I don't need you, I don't

and I will tell my heart, convince it

I don't love you, I don't

And I will tell myself that I can live without you, oh no

Though I'll be lying, at least I'm trying to move on

 

One day I know I'd come to understand

You're not meant to believe

That I'm the one you need until I understand

 

Yes, I will tell my mind, convince it

I don't need you, I don't

and I will tell my heart, convince it

I don't love you, I don't

And I will tell myself that I can live without you, oh no

Though I'll be lying, at least I'm trying 

Yes I'd be lying

At least I'm trying to move on...


	2. The Story

Mark remembered the first time he met Jackson. It was in his second year of university. Jackson had just arrived and was his new roommate. Honestly, ever since Jackson’s arrival, he had never known silence in his room again. Jackson was the life of the party. Even though he was new, it seems like he had met everybody in the dorms. It was something that Mark wasn’t use to but it was nice to be around people, sometimes. It seems like Jackson had made it his mission in life to make Mark more outgoing and meet more people.

 

Mark was by nature a very shy and quiet person, totally opposite from Jackson’s disposition but somehow, both of them became really good friends. Maybe staying together helps as well. Jackson would always come back to the dorm and tell Mark about his day while the elder just listens. From time to time Mark would laugh or say something but it was very rare which made the younger whines from time to time. 

 

The need to be affectionate via skinship was something that Jackson needs. Sometimes when he misses home or just felt like it, he would go to Mark’s room and crawl into bed with the elder. At first, Mark didn’t know what to do and would kick the younger out but as the months go by, he lets the younger do whatever he wants which made Jackson very happy. Jackson was a very affectionate person. He would randomly hug Mark or hold his hands while watching TV and Mark would just let him.

 

This happened until Mark’s last year of university which made the younger complaining to him every other day that Mark was leaving him all in this cruel world to fend for himself. Mark would always tease him saying it was the younger that is leaving him in the cruel world to fend off predators which made the younger promise that he would always be his knight in shining armour, whatever that means.

 

Mark remembers every little details of Jackson like he only takes organic green tea. Loves vanilla ice cream. Loves his snapback collection and that he is less confident without it. The way Jackson would squeal when Mark brings him dumplings after a long week. Or how when Jackson is happy, the twinkle in his eyes were apparent. Or how the younger would be quiet if he was sad or feel hurt about something. But for the life of him, Mark couldn’t remember when he fell in love with the younger. It was as if all of a sudden he saw the younger in a different light and that made him a tad uncomfortable. He didn’t know what to do with his feelings so he just did what he always do, he kept it all in hoping that it will go away.

 

After a few months of thinking it through, Mark decided to tell Jackson how he feels. I mean, what is the worse that can happen right? Jackson rejecting him? Well, he just need to face him for a few more months before he leaves and he won’t see the younger again. Problem solved. Just when he was going to confess to Jackson, the younger came in his room talking about this new guy, Jinyoung, he met at the library. He was gushing about the new guy which Mark had never met before. The look in Jackson’s eyes told him that he felt something that wasn’t there before. It was the first time Jackson was enamoured with another person and for once, Mark felt jealous but he didn’t say anything. He just listened at how excited Jackson was.

 

A few weeks later, Jackson introduce Jinyoung to Mark. Mark got along well with Jinyoung and he knew there and there why Jackson would fall for him. So Mark told himself that he should forget about his feelings and don’t act upon it. He was leaving soon anyway and won’t see them again. As the weeks go by, Jinyoung was a permanent fixture in their room and Mark was a permanent fixture in his room. It wasn’t that he was avoiding them on purpose but he didn’t want to see Jackson being happy with somebody else that wasn’t him. Selfish he knows but it was painful for him. This was the only time that he was glad that he was graduating soon.

 

Jackson was crying when Mark graduated. He bought the elder flowers, balloons and a Squirtle as he wanted Mark to have something that reminds him of Jackson. That wasn't the plan but because it was from Jackson, Mark knew that he would keep it forever. A week after graduating, Mark moved out from their dorm and Jinyoung moved in. Which made Mark a bit sad but there was nothing he could do to stop it. He moved into a studio apartment as he found a job at an up and coming online magazine company. It was just nice for one person and he liked it.

 

He told Jackson about it and showed him via Skype. Jackson made it his mission to visit him and to stay with him for a weekend to make sure that Mark was safe. Even though he knew it was just an excuse but Mark indulge him anyway. He was glad that Jackson came alone. When he had asked him where was Jinyoung, Jackson told him that he was going to spend some one on one time with Mark and Jinyoung was busy with drama class.

 

That weekend, the first week after he started his job, Jackson came over to stay. It was like old times. They were talking the whole night, watching movies and eating and cuddling and snuggling. Jackson admitted that he misses the elder which made Mark very happy. Then Jackson started talking about Jinyoung and there was nothing he could do to make him stop because the look of happiness on Jackson's face was apparent. If Jackson was happy, then he would be happy for him. So Mark felt that it was a good thing that he was now staying alone and working. He could finally try to get over Jackson.

 

The first few months wasn't easy as Mark was learning to cope with his new job and staying alone. But it was a welcome distraction. His communication with Jackson was getting infrequent because of his work schedule and Jackson was in his final year and he was busy with Jinyoung.

 

Mark on the other hand was meeting new people and expanding his view on the world. His new job enable him to travel and also requires him to travel which he loves. He had always love traveling as a kid and now to be able to travel and do what he loves which is writing was a hidden blessing. After a few years, he wasn't bored of his job yet. He and Jackson would still keep in touch via email. He would send the younger pictures from time to time. Not as often as the younger likes but he does.

 

His job like I said was a blessing in disguise. It brought him further away from the younger cause he knew he couldn't be around Jackson as long as he was still dating someone. Jinyoung made way for another, which was Youngji. He could see why Jackson fell him love with that her. She challenges him and was his match in terms of talking. She was a pretty girl and very friendly, like Jackson in a way.

 

But, the further away Mark was away from Jackson, he found himself thinking of the younger no matter where he is or whatever he was doing. He would unconsciously wished that he was with the younger exploring Machu Picchu or skydiving and bungee jumping in New Zealand or diving in Sipadan, walking along the Great Wall. Sometimes he wished that there was a switch name Jackson  he could turn off .

 

He tried dating other guys or girls to keep his mind away from the younger. He was getting serious with a guy name Jaebum but he had always felt deep down that it wasn't fair for Him. But Mark didn't know how or what else to do. He was willing to give it a try and Jaebum was really nice to him. He like him enough to stay. He was going to break things off when Jackson asked him to be his best man because he had just asked Youngji to marry him. 

 

That's when he felt his world crashing. He felt his heart breaking into a million pieces. The day he dreads has finally arrived. He was crying his heart out when Jaebum found him lying on the kitchen floor. He was grateful he didn't ask Mark anything and just held him. For once, he was glad that Jaebum was there. Jaebum help put him back together again, whether he knew it or not.

 

On Jackson's wedding day, standing right next to him, Mark still wished that Jackson would feel the same. But when he sees Jackson looking at Youngji walking down the aisle, he knew that it will never be that way. At the dinner, Jackson being Jackson, asked Mark to dance with him one last time. He held Jackson close, trying to remember everything about the younger. He knew that would be the last time he would see the younger this way. When Youngji and Jaebum asked to cut in, they both smiled and went to their respective partners. Mark knew that it is going to be a long journey but he has to finally move on.

 

_ I will tell my mind, convince it I don't need you, I don't.  _

_ I will tell my heart, convince it I don't love you, I don't.  _

_ And I will tell myself that I can live without you, oh no,  _

_ Though I'd be lying at least I'm trying to move on _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if I was able to convey my thoughts into words in this story. It wasn't easy at all. I was trying to do something different. Let me know what you think about this.


End file.
